Showing Love in Times of Grief

“Hospitality is not entertaining”. This sentence struck me as I read Habits of the Household by Justin Whitmel Earley. Everyday I get caught up in the stress of clutter (because three children) and then there is the frenzy of cleaning if someone does come over. I try to maintain the “guest-level” standard of clean and tidy but it’s too exhausting with sandy boots and socks strewn about like a bread trail in the woods.

At its core, hospitality is making your guests feel welcome which is simply loving people well. Etiquette is the guide on how to be hospitable but we shouldn’t let “the rules” trip us up when most people just want a feeling of belonging.

February may be the shortest month but it is packed with “stuff”. Valentine’s Day is stuffed in your face quickly after New Year’s; there’s also Black History Month, President’s Day (ie more chances to buy stuff on sale), Mardi Gras (Fat Tuesday, All you can eat pancakes!) and then the countdown to Easter.

Phew.

I don’t know about you, but from Halloween to Valentine’s Day, I’m tired. There’s so much to do, and eat!, in those 4 months it’s easy to get caught up in it all and arrive in March thinking, “what just happened????” While at the core, each of the holidays in this season are ultimately rooted in goodness and loving people well, it’s sure easy to lose sight of that.

For Valentine’s Day in particular, there is so much pressure and focus found in the perfect gift and romantic love that is enough to make one want to reject the holiday altogether. I’ve arrived at the conclusion that, heart-shaped boxes of chocolates aside, this is a good day to remind those I care about that I love them and am thinking about them. 

I love them when we see each other and when it’s been way too long, 

I love them when things are going well, 

and most importantly when they aren’t. 

And with my children, even though I may be tired, annoyed, distracted, I love them always.

Do you feel that the part of love that is especially hard is when times are hard? Valentine’s Day will hit you no matter what season of life you’re in (just like Mother’s Day, Father’s Day, or Christmas). 

This year, it was shared with me that a relative’s friend lost their baby girl after only a few short months.

How do you respond to devastating news?

Back in 2016 when our first child was only six months old, a friend of mine experienced the same devastation. While of course I sent a message expressing how deeply sorry I was, I felt compelled to do something more. The freshness of new motherhood and love I have for my own child inspired me to write a poem for my friend which I decorated with watercolor roses and sent to a fellow artist to write in calligraphy.

Angel Baby

Sweet baby, you left this world too quickly,
But that doesn’t mean you were loved any less
Or that your mark won’t forever stay.

From Heaven up above, angel baby,
Watch over us.
Ask Mother Mary to lend her ear
And to send down whispers of comfort
To your loved ones here on Earth.

Sweet child of mine,
How I long to hold your little hand
And to count your sweet toes.

While today I miss you,
I know my journey is not yet done.
Ask Jesus to give me strength, my darling,
So I may see you again in the light of
God’s love.

Since then I have shared this poem with others who have lost their children and it always seems to bring comfort. When I heard the news this time, I offered to create a print for the family. The response was sweet and I hope these types of gifts, while in no way can fill the hole in a parent’s heart, gives them a reminder and memento that love is powerful and that their circle, is there to support them even in those hard times when you really don’t know what to say.

This post was a heavy one but I hope that you are able to find new ways to show love during difficult times. A simple “I’m thinking about you” goes a long way. Most importantly, there are others who may be struggling alongside you. 

Let’s break the routine of indulgence and frenzy as we enter April and focus on the new growth of spring, which by the way, needs rainy days in order to flourish.

Reply and let me know if there is a way I can help you express love better.